Dear Garmin Forerunner 201,
Since I purchased you in 2003, we have had a good relationship, you and I. I could always count on you to accurately report my run data. Though you have always felt a little bulky on my wrist, I faithfully ran with you anyways. You were happy to tell me my exact distance and pace, and I never strayed for an updated model, no matter how sleek.
You even guided me through interval training of varying lengths, always cheerfully beeping at the end of the allotted time. You even congratulated me upon completion of key workouts. Never once did I feel our relationship was becoming rocky.
Earlier this year we hit a little rough patch. It was becoming more and more difficult to get you to charge your battery. Your poor connectors became corroded from my sweat, and only I knew the exact way to pound you on the floor to make the connection. I was not mad at you, for this was a design flaw that you couldn’t do anything about.
Sometimes it seemed it was taking you quite some time to track the satellites, even on a clear day. I know I may have said something aloud about throwing you in the river, but by golly, I never really meant it.
Things between us were going well for a good several months, so imagine my surprise back in early July when you refused to connect to the satellites for the first 22 miles of my bike ride. Incomplete data does me no good. You know I am anal and obsessive compulsive about tracking my workout data, so I took this as a big slap in the face. When did things go sour?
You must have felt guilty about acting out like that, because for the next few months you made it up to me by working flawlessly. Marathon training started, and we were on a roll, you and I. Then out of the blue several weeks ago, I noticed you were becoming less accurate in your calculations. The distances you were reporting to me were not correct, and you were having major trouble finding those pesky satellites.
Then came the last straw. You are now flat out refusing to even try to connect with the satellites. No one likes a quitter. Still, I wasn’t going to give up on you yet. I did some research on the internet yesterday and found out that your software was grossly out of date. For this, I am truly sorry. I got you all fixed up and updated to version 3.7 right away, and excitedly took you outside.
To my dismay, you reacted in the same way as usual. You did not even try. You asked me the same old questions. Are you indoors now? Have you moved hundreds of miles? Is today 11-sept-2008? I answered No, No, and Yes, as I always do, and still…nothing. I guess I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that you just aren’t that into me anymore.
This pains me to no end, as I cannot afford to upgrade to any of your big brothers: the 205, 305, or the 405 which I lust over madly. How am I going to know how far and fast I run tomorrow? How will I ever do interval training again? Who will tell me my current mph on the bike? I beg you to reconsider your decision to break up with me, I need you. There, I said it.
Ps. If you would just start working again, I promise to never stand on a street corner and call you names while you are trying to track the satellites. And I will never threaten to throw you into any body of water or onto the concrete sidewalk ever again.